tigerine

I was feeling my way back in my mind, trying to find where I stopped spending so much time on writing. It plummeted as I got into undergrad studies and then slowly rose. Time I didn't spend with my ex fiance was spent writing, escaping. 

Back in like 2003, as I worked in my favorite fandom under a different handle, I produced a lot of work. I hung out with three or four friends in a Skype chat. We didn't work collaboratively in the same fandom. And yet, we did all get things done, didn't we? We all wrote--I took several writing courses in undergrad that they did beta reading for, even when they were uncomfortable with the content. For some reason, even though I had lots of opportunity to socialize and naff about with them, we didn't keep each other from working. 

So it wasn't the socializing on Skype. And it wasn't undergrad, or even a fiance. 

I stopped writing so much after I broke up with my ex fiance. I kind of stopped doing nerdy and weird things, looking for another partner. I found him--and we're happily married now--and then, during a very low point at the end of my first year of grad school, I started to be a nerd again. A really intense nerd about swords, and gay things. My tumblr, which had been a slow-moving backup for instagram pictures, changed in the space of 2 weeks to a full-on weeb den. I withdrew, dissociated frequently, not moving for hours, barely ate, barely slept, barely talked to my new husband. I wrote a LOT. 

So now, tt's clear that it's not small-time socialization, between one or two or four people. It's not school (although that's now concluded). It's not my husband. 

I think it may be social media and mobage. 

I am so well-trained that I open twitter before I open email. I check the news, I login to 4 or 5 mobage for the login rewards. I check them again for when timers are up. There is always an event that demands my time and attention. Always news on the Twitter that demands my outrage or art tweets that demand my admiration.  

So I'm going to try to revert my internet experience to a largely 2002-2004 one. 

Block Tumblr. Block Twitter most of the time. Stop focusing on everyone else's content, everyone else's media, and focus on mine.